I was still unpacking the shipment of our household things after moving back from the US to the Philippines when I found-out that Ken, my husband, was having an affair with his married secretary. I was shocked. I was really hurt. I was angry. I confronted Ken but he denied everything. He has been abusing me for ten years and the abuse had gotten worst since he started seeing another woman. I thought about killing my husband many times. I was mad at him. I also started blaming myself. Suicide was in my mind. My anger was killing me. I cannot forgive my husband and myself.
I started looking for a counselor because I knew I was severely depressed. I could not find one in the third world.I asked my husband to take me to a doctor. He took me to the emergency room since all medical offices were closed on a Good Friday in a Catholic country. He indicated to the medical staff that I was mentally ill so they locked me in a mental hospital. It was his way of putting me away so he can start living with his mistress. It was a miracle that I was able to escape. I knew it was from the Holy Spirit.
My cook named Ligaya was a Christian lady. She took me to a Christian pastor whose name, I have forgotten. However, I will never forget the verses he gave me – Jeremiah 29:11-13. I was a Catholic but I knew something was lacking in my life. I have been searching for a relationship with the Lord. I began reading the Bible. I started going to Christian services and Bible Studies. In a short time, I was able to fill my void with God’s love. He sent his only Son, Jesus Christ, to die on the cross for the forgiveness of our sins. I was forgiven. I should also be able to forgive. I decided to forgive myself. I chose to forgive my husband.
It was an incessant forgiveness for my husband. He did not stop hurting me. I was so filled with the Holy Spirit that I had the joy and peace in spite of the circumstances around me. I have to mention that I had this chronic disease called interstitial cystitis. I had to go to a surgery room every six months. The doctors said they have not found the cure yet. The Lord healed me from this sickness. My husband thought I was faking my joy and my healing. He was closely watching me – I continually love and respect him since he was my husband. I was not condoning his actions but I was not mad at him anymore.The situation switched – my husband started crying everyday. He started blaming himself. He wanted me to get mad at him so it would be easier for him to leave me. He could not believe how I can forgive him. My husband sent my daughter and I back to the US that summer. I did not have a job. I did not have any money. I did not stop trusting in God. He was my Provider.It was a battle but the Lord never left me. He was always there to guide me. I always felt His Love.
After almost ten years, I am living comfortably. My daughter is graduating in December 2007 from college. God blessing is upon me.I am so grateful that I have God in me.
Forgiveness is something that people should decide in doing. It is good for your well-being. It does more good to you than the forgiven. It prevents anger.It gives you peace. The most important of all, it brings you closer to God.